My Experience Living in New York

Unlike most kids I liked school and didn’t mind waking up at 5:30 every morning for my dad to drive me to the bus stop. My ride to school took about an hour and you got to see the sunrise every morning. When you got on the bridge you could see a view of both Brooklyn and Manhattan. I left my house every day at 6am, got the bus at around 6:10am, and got to school around 7:08am. Waking up early was worth it because I didn’t have to take an overcrowded bus with a bunch of noisy kids. The best part of school was spending time with my friends, just laughing and cracking jokes. What I miss the most is taking the bus home after school with my friend Madolley, she always knows how to tell a funny story. Then on Thursdays we had half days and left school early, so I would take the bus with Madolley and our other friend Jeanaeley. We’ve had so many laughs on our way home that it’s hard to pick the funniest day we’ve ever had. A particular time I do remember was when the three of us were sitting in the back of the bus talking about shows and music we liked, then this boy sitting near us asked Jeanaeley for “directions”. I put quotes because we all knew he was just trying to make conversation with Jeanaeley, Madolley and I had to hold our laughter because Jeanaeley was acting so awkward. He tried asking her out but she kindly shot him down, what makes this story even better was he happened to be our friend Elizabeth’s younger brother. Madolley recognized him before but was hesitant to ask but after she did ask and he said yes. I could have the worst day, but riding the bus with those two always made them better. Then abruptly those rides stopped happening because in March school closed permanently because of the Coronavirus. I wasn’t sure whether to show gratitude that I would now be able to wake up at 9am, or be home all day and not see any of my friends. I’ve always hated staying at home and the feeling hasn’t diminished if anything it’s worsened. I’ve lived in Queens my whole life and it’s not a bad place to grow up, a little bit of city and suburban mixed together. However, something I’ve always known is that I didn’t want to live here forever. Joan Didion mentioned how she didn’t think it’s “possible for anyone brought up in the east to appreciate New York, the idea of New York means to those who don’t come from New York”. I feel like she didn’t understand what it’s like growing up in the East. I’m tired of the busy New York lifestyle and the days that follow me into the night, I just want a change of scenery where I don’t feel pressure. 

During quarantine I thought of all the places I wouldn’t get to go and the things I wouldn’t get to do: my universal trip, no graduation, and not going to six flags. What was most disappointing was not being able to attend either of the two colleges of my choice. Although I liked City College it was my third choice, and my heart was set on going Upstate New York for school. I shouldn’t have been disappointed since my parents told me since the beginning of high school that I wasn’t going away, but it still hurt. Since childhood I’ve always loved upstate and I’ve been going since I was born because my aunt has a house there which holds a lot of memories. The atmosphere is peaceful along with the cows roaming the acres of land and the starry nights that light up the sky. I knew I always wanted to live on campus and go away for college because I grew up a little sheltered, and it would have been nice to explore life on my own.  

It was Thursday March 30^th, 2020 and I messaged my guidance counselor “Hi Miss Walters I thought about it and I’m okay with going to City College”. Like the supportive counselor she is, she told me how excited she was for me and thought I made an excellent choice. I was satisfied with my choice, but wasn’t excited like I felt I should have been. Later that day Miss Walter and I had a video conference discussing my school choice and why it was the better decision choosing City College. I remember telling myself to “have fun taking the crowded subway everyday”, I could already imagine myself waiting to get on the train with people getting off the cart and I’m frantic that the train door will close before I can get on. Then when I’m getting off the person in front of the door takes too long to step onto the platform and I get sent to the next station. I hated packed trains pre Coronavirus, now I loathe them even more. SUNY New Paltz was the first school I wanted to attend, and is only one hour and thirty-seven minutes away from Queens. It wasn’t too far from my family for me, but it was too far for them. One bright side of going to City College is it cuts off 37 minutes then the ride to New Paltz, but I would be traveling back and forth every day. Miss Walters kept talking about financial aid and other important necessities I would need for college but I couldn’t help but feel anxious because I didn’t really plan on attending this school. I kept nodding my head to everything she told me, but honestly it was all a blur. My second college choice was St. John’s University, they had the major I wanted to study and after visiting their campus it gave me a right feeling. Turns out that feeling was wrong after I saw the cost of tuition even with a scholarship. Ultimately I chose City College because it was less stress on my parents and I felt I would still enjoy the school. 

I applied to New Paltz at the beginning of the year and I got in, I was really proud of myself. My parents knew I applied but they said “you already know you’re not going so why’d you apply” to me it was the satisfaction that I did get in that made me proud. I even got to visit it when we happened to drive to New Paltz and passed the campus during Christmas break, it wasn’t planned. I’m more of a small town person and there’s a small town near campus, I remember freaking out and I was so amazed, but my mom kept telling me “you’re not going”. I thought of my college decision from perspective, I wouldn’t have anyone to help me move to the school because my parents have a small car and my dad has a fear of driving far places. Although it’s not the farthest school it’s still not close enough for them to visit me and I didn’t want them to spend a lot of money on dorms, meal plans, books, and other expenses we couldn’t afford. I’ve always seen kids go away for college and always thought it was so neat to live on your own, but I also forgot my parents don’t think from an American perspective but a Trinidadian one. One where their kids live with their parents till they get married. In Lacy M. Johnsons “On likeability” she says “I had been taught somewhere along the way that it was a blessing to be liked by a man, that I should be flattered by the attention”. Like her I’ve been taught that as a girl you always have to listen to your parents and if they say you can’t do something then you can’t do it, even if you’re an adult. Although I wasn’t in the same situation as Lacy I understood the context of where she was coming from, you do what you’re taught and you must always listen to your superiors even if it makes you unhappy because they’re always right.

Now I wake up every day at 7a.m, brush my teeth, then go to “school”. All my work is done in the basement so I’m not tempted to fall asleep in my bed after the late nights I stay up studying. City College still has the big campus I wanted, but I’ve yet to visit it because Coronavirus made all my classes asynchronous. Every day I repeat the same tedious cycle, and all I want to do is go to the city because I’ve never really been to Manhattan much. The truth is even if there wasn’t a pandemic I still wouldn’t be allowed to go anywhere. The moment my hand touches the knob of the front door it’s like a sensor goes off and someone asks “where are you going?”. I ask myself the same question with the answer always being “nowhere, I’ve been stuck in the same place for 18 years of my life and I just want to leave. I’m technically an adult and I still can’t do what I want”. 

Just one day I want to go to parts of the city I’ve never been before, like the New York Botanical Gardens or the Belvedere castle. I want the ability to make my own decisions without having anyone breathing down my neck, telling me what to do with my life, and giving me advice I didn’t ask for. People always say “you have a choice” but what they don’t acknowledge is sometimes you can’t choose the choice you want because of how it impacts others. My friends got to move upstate and I miss them all the time, although we talk frequently I still wish they were here. Unlike me they actually get to meet people and do activities, but because of the virus they’re limited to what they can and cannot do. The weather is starting to get colder and soon the leaves will fall, the best part is they’ll get to see the leaves turn different colors and fall off the trees. The same thing happens here but it’s not the same because of our lack of trees compared to them. 

Overall I’m okay, college isn’t like high school but I’ve enjoyed most of my classes so far. The workload has multiplied but I’m pushing through it and learning to adapt. I’m already used to not getting enough sleep from high school. My friends tell me how they’re doing, all the work they have, and what campus cafeteria food is like. One day I want to visit them so I hope to get my license soon or be prepared to travel an eight-hour bus ride. I can’t wait till I can physically start coming to school and see what actual college is like. I do hope to study abroad when Coronavirus goes away because I’ve never been out of the country, and I want to learn about other cultures outside of New York. For now, I’m looking at things from a more optimistic viewpoint because New York is also referred to as “the city of dreams” and I have a lot of dreams for myself.